How to Make Yourself a Priority

We are all drained in our lives, yet we struggle to prioritise our own selves and be sensibly selfish in order to take care for our own emotional, mental and physical well-being. When we all have a propensity to centre our attention on other people’s needs, it can be difficult to wrap our head around putting ourselves first, let alone knowing where to start!

Even though we know, to a great extent, that what we are doing presently isn’t working and can’t be sustained in the long run (like a hammer on a wheel), it can be difficult to go-slow or stop without crashing out in spectacularly!

“To put yourself first, you need to believe and act like you are valuable and capable.”

You should know that you can rely on yourself; that you are really going to do whatever is in your own greatest interest rather than deserting yourself to make someone else jovial.

Of course, these are hard things to do, so let’s break them down into manageable chunks that you can work with…  Here are a few….

1. Reconnect with Yourself

We have all learned to focus our consciousness on others, our identity is frequently linked to the roles that we frequently play in our lives – being a good parent, employee, siblings, spouse, friends and so on. We pour ourselves into making everyone around us happy and we usually end up losing ourselves in this process.

We are mostly disconnected from ourselves and find it difficult to discern how do we feel, what we truly want or what we require. We have become so accustomed to ‘going with the flow’, ‘keeping the peace’, and ‘not rocking the boat’ that we have become oblivious to what is going on within our own body and mind.

So, rewire with your inner world and start discovering your own likes, wants, interests and preferences.

Here are few simple ideas for you:

• Begin paying attention to the things you like and dislike.
• Each time you experience something new, keep track of what brings you joy or what creates a negative reaction within you.
• Toss a coin, if you can’t decide between two options in front of you. Take note of how you feel, when the coin makes the decision for you. However, you are not supposed to do exactly what the coin says. This coin can be used to help you determine your own preferences.

2. Pay Attention to Your Feelings

We are generally pretty good at limiting and dissociating from our own needs and feelings when we are highly accustomed to other people’s needs and feelings. Listening to your inner feelings (rather than avoiding or freezing them) is the key to accessing your inner world and determining what matters to you. You must begin to create a better balance in your lives.

3. Feel the Fear

Fear has no positive or negative connotations. It is only an emotion that tells us that something around us feels unsafe. Nevertheless, the part of our brain that deals with fear has not yet evolved to cope with our modern world. That part is really bad at distinguishing between something truly life-threatening and something frightening.

When you watch a scary movie, you will notice that your heart beats faster, your body gets tense and your senses are on a high alert. Clearly, you are safe in your home/theatre, yet your body is preparing you to flee or hide!

Fear’s job is to prepare you for the worst-case scenario which rarely occurs. The simple truth is that fear never truly leaves us, but we can train ourselves to the point where it does not prevent us from taking care of ourselves if we can build the mettle to act in spite of our fear.

4.Make Time

It is never appropriate to put your needs first. There will always be something else for you to do or someone else who needs ‘you’.  One of the prime reasons you struggle to say ‘Yes’ to yourself is that you cannot say ‘No’ to others. You despise annoying and disappointing people, so you prioritise their needs and desires over your own.

Making space for yourself is a big part of making yourself a priority. It is now time to practise saying ‘No’ to others in order to make time for yourself.

5. Keep Commitments to Yourself

We can demonstrate ourselves that we matter by keeping our promises to ourselves and doing what we say we will do. This will not only help us believe in ourselves, but it will also show others how to treat us.

Begin by setting a reasonable, attainable goal such as drinking more water, devoting 30 minutes per day to yourself. Gradually, as your confidence grows, you can set certain bigger goals and take more chances.

6. Embrace Guilt

Guilt arises when we feel or be of the opinion that we have done something wrong. Having said that, our definition of ‘wrong’ can be a bit wobbly at times and we can end up feeling guilty for things like taking care of ourselves, expressing a different viewpoint or having our own needs.

When we have patterns of people-pleasing and over-giving, we are vulnerable to this type of ‘unhealthy guilt’ because our self-worth is hooked to what we do and how we are perceived by others.

So, look at your guilt as a sign of progress. It indicates that you are attempting something new.

7. Be Your Own Best Friend

Nobody is their best selves all of the time. Choose to love the soiled version of yourself that is present right now. Focus on your personal development, even if it is challenging. So, proceed slowly and gently.